Motherhood started for me as a little girl.
Playing house was my favorite thing to do. I loved playing mommy to my twin red headed cabbage patch dolls, strolling them around, sitting them at my play kitchen table and cooking lunch for them. Being a mom and having a family was a dream of mine since I can remember.
The reality of motherhood began for me when I found out we were pregnant May 2013. It's an instant care for your body. The constant thought of is he okay. What is the gender? What will I do the nursery in, it must be perfect for my precious baby. I immediately wanted to change our guest bathroom to make it suitable for our baby. Finding the perfect name, the perfect diaper bag. Buying a new car to fit our growing family. Picturing the future over and over and over again. What will he look like? What will his first few days be like? It's a constant thought. A constant feeling. A constant emotion that never ever stops.
The truth is, you really can't fully prepare yourself for this new adventure, this new life. You can have the perfect nursery. Your diapers may be stocked fully. Baby meds are stocked & all the toys in the world put together and ready to go. Your bags can be packed with all the perfect first outfits. Me? I had all that. We we blessed with many gifts to help prepare us for this little baby. For years we had many conversations on how we wanted to raise our children. Never say you will never because you will. If you asked us, as many did, Are you ready for that baby? Our answer was, Yes, we were so ready. Well let me be the first to tell you, if you aren't a Mom or a Dad yet you will think this at some point and you definitely don't have it all together. And that's okay. Remember that it IS okay. You'll understand these words when your little one arrives.
Basically, you can have the entire Babies R Us store at your house but when that little one arrives there is so much more to learn. The Petunia Pickle baby bag I paid a fortune for never been used, we use Daddy's Backpack diaper bag because it's so convenient. His nursery wasn't used for the first two months and still not often used. The backseat of our Ford Edge isn't big enough to have a car seat AND breastfeed with enough elbow space. We said we didn't want a paci baby... it only took 24 hours. We said he would absolutely no baby in the bed. Yep, he was there. We have learned to not say what we will, won't or would do because you've cursed yourself if you do. We don't judge other parents because we've learned you do what you gotta do. Every baby is different.
Motherhood is fun. I laugh as I choose that word first.
It's also overwhelming, scary, emotional, boring but much much happiness. It's challenging but rewarding. Last but not least, it's exhausting. The Webster Dictionary defines Motherhood as:
a : a female parent
b (1) : a woman in authority; specifically : the superior of a religious community of women (2) : an old or elderly woman
That pretty much says nothing.
If you asked me my definition of motherhood, I'd tell you there isn't just one. There are a million definitions on what this word means.
The day we met Blaze was incredible.
You can't really describe it. I'd be stretching the truth if I said it was the happiest day of our lives. You're shocked right? Of course, it was a happy day. I can say that the happiest moments of your life happen throughout that entire day but not the whole day makes it the happiest. A moment(s) you can never forget. My husband will agree to this. Please don't misjudge me. We were in love. We found an instant love we never knew existed. We couldn't keep our eyes off of him and were ready to share him to the world. We were very proud parents. My two best moments of that day was were hearing his cry across the room as I waited to finally see what he looked like. I remember thinking, that's my baby. Almost like I did not believe he was growing inside of me all that time and now I could hear his little voice. Hours after, I remember it was just Aaron, myself sitting there in a quiet room just watching him. Finally being able to put a face to the movement in your belly and all the kicks and tumbles. Better yet, watching him staring back at you not fully being able to see you but hearing your voice and putting your face to that voice he has heard all those months growing inside you.
The way your baby looks at you on that day and every day following... that stare will always be a warm fuzzy feeling. That never goes away. Or it hasn't for four and a half months. They are just a few definitions to motherhood.
I'm sure every mom has their own. It's surly no one thing.
At nine months pregnant, you find yourself saying, I'm over this. I'm ready to be able to sleep on my belly. I'm really for him to be here. I'm ready for my body back. I'm ready ready ready... The day just can not come fast enough.
The exhaustion from pregnancy on top of the exhaustion of labor plus the non-stop check ins and visitors are just the beginning of what is to come.
If you think you are tired of carry your baby in your belly you have no idea what being tired really is. I still can not describe the exhaustion that slowly grew the first month. Sleepless nights, yes. But it isn't just sleepless nights. Becoming a mom, a parent is a constant job. There is no clocking out. You'll experience an emotional exhaustion, a physical exhaustion and the worst for me, the mental exhaustion. My body had been cut open so yes, I was physically tired and sore. My hormones were ALL over the place which is where the emotional part takes place. Happy because your baby is here then crying because YOU HAVE NO IDEA. You just cry. Seriously.
The mental exhaustion is something I still struggle with. I do not really think it will ever go away and I hope it doesn't. Becoming a mom comes along with a constant thought of is he okay. You will never pee the same way.
Almost five months into this new life my baby is eating veggies out of a baby jar while sitting at the dinner table in his high chair as a family of three. He is creating his personality daily. He is rolling over, sitting up, entertaining himself & his parents, growing bigger and getting smarter everyday. Entering this new life is nothing like I ever imagined or always dreamed of because it surly isn't like playing house. But entering this world has brought me to bigger better places and made me a different person for the good. It's what we call it our new normal. As I cried while hoping for time to fly by those first several weeks, I now want time to slow down because they do not stay little for long.
Truly the best gift I've ever been given.
I owe the man above so much for choosing me to be Blazes' Momma.
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